The Year That Was 2020.

Remember when we walked into 2020 on some #20plenty vibes? Well lol, because it definitely came with plenty of problems!

I don't want this reflection to be negative, we had enough negative vibes this year. But wow man. If you told me on this day a year ago, that there would be a global virus that would keep us at home and keep me away from my dream of an amazing first year experience, and that I wouldn't get to go into the new year in the presence of my whole family, I would've actually laughed in your face. I was so hopeful and excited of what was to come, and I know I'm not the only one.

If I could describe 2020 in a word, it would be DISCOMFORT. 2020 forced everyone out of their comfort zone, one way or another, in a positive and in a negative sense. Whether it was moving into a different sphere of education (for some of us, into university), into new jobs or into unemployment, into new apartments or moving back home, into spaces where we flourished or failed and had to reassess the situation, the arrival of new family members or the loss of others, and obviously moving into a space of isolation and social distancing and masks and not being able to hug people you haven't seen in ages, 2020 forced all of us to be uncomfortable in some way.

As for me? This year was a mess. More especially for my mental health. 2020 forced me to make a lot of reflections and come to a lot of realizations, because I didn't have the distraction of being around my friends for most of the day or a rehearsal for a school production or choir practice. I was, at times, forced to say, okay what is the root of this problem? I don't think any other year has given me the opportunity to do this in great depth, despite the fact that I'm quite the 'reflector' if I do say so myself. This blog has also allowed me to do that in an organised manner, as much as I haven't been too active with it. I was also not too kind to myself. I will admit, I wasn't so forgiving towards myself, and I didn't extend myself some grace as much as I wanted to at the end of last year.

One thing about me though? I'm still so grateful, despite the mess. Despite the crumbling mental health, dismal academic performance, lack of motivation and multiple mental blocks and breakdowns, I'm grateful for a lot that came with this year. I'm grateful for the people that I met this year (I swear they need an entire separate blog post, God really snapped with those people hey), I'm grateful for the smol smol first year experience I got while I was at school, I'm grateful that my family is whole, I'm grateful for wholesome and flourishing friendships, I'm grateful for music, for memories, for laughter, for thought-provoking conversations and for love. I'm grateful for the big and the small. But most importantly I'm grateful that God has sustained me thus far, even when I feel I was undeserving, even when I felt like I was crumbling and couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm grateful because it means I still have a purpose to fulfill.

And that's what I wanna carry into 2021. An attitude of gratitude and of hope. Despite how messed up this year was, I will acknowledge all of the good things *cue Jhene Aiko's Eternal Sunshine* and blessings that I have, because truth is that I have been blessed, and that can't go unmentioned.

I go into 2021 still hopeful, not because I'm naïve, but because the God I pray to makes the impossible, possible. I'm walking into 2021 excited for new memories, hopeful for some good and grateful for what I've been given.

May you and your loved ones enter 2021 safely, take care, love and light.💛🌻