A list of things I wish I could tell my younger self.

As we grow older and wiser, we tend to reflect on the past and on our younger selves and how we used to carry ourselves. Well, I know I do. Whether it's things that used to bother me (and there were a lot, I stayed being bothered!) or things that I look back and cringe about, I have so many moments of wishing there was a time machine I could climb into and reassure my younger self that things would get better. Of course, most of these scenarios have played large and small roles in how I carry myself now and have served as life lessons, but I still think my younger self would've appreciated a heads-up. Anyway, here's my list of things I wish I could tell my younger self:

(Just a heads-up: some of these will be directed at my younger self, others will be an explanation of why I felt the way that I felt)

1. Not everyone will like you, and that's perfectly okay.

Growing up, especially between pre-primary and primary school, the very thought that people didn't like me used to bother me SO MUCH! I thought, “I'm so sweet and friendly, why in the world are there people that dislike me??????” It took me a very very VERY long time to realise that there will be people in this world that don't like you or that you don't get along with, maybe because of personality clashes, maybe because of your differences, sometimes because of a misunderstanding or unresolved issues, and sometimes, for no good reason at all. Coming to that realisation has been so freeing to me, and while I'm still trying to remind myself every day of that reality every day, realising this has stopped me from trying to get every single person around me to like me and altering myself so I can get acceptance and approval from others.

2. You can't always get what you want, and that's just the way it is. *cue Changes by 2Pac lmao*

While I was quite aware of this fact from a young age, this was another thing that I couldn't wrap my head around. I found it unfair that the person next to me would get the exact thing that I so desperately longed for, it used to hurt me so much. But eventually I learnt that that's just how life works. And a lot of the time, you very likely won't get what you want at that moment, or even at all, and there's almost always a reason behind that. Most of the time, it's you being protected from what could potentially harm you, or you just have to be patient for it, or it could turn out to be to your detriment, or maybe what's in store for you is bigger and greater than what you wanted. If I understood this part early enough, I think I wouldn't have wasted time being upset over things I couldn't change.

3. You're unique, stop trying to fit in.

I'm pretty sure this is advice A LOT of people wish they would tell their younger selves. I spent soooooooooo much time trying to fit in to what I thought was the standard or what would make me popular, and that almost made me lose myself. Not only did it make me uncomfortable, it was also unsustainable. I was convinced that I was too weird or nice, too this or that or the other, amongst other things, and I tried to change that but I couldn't maintain that façade for very long. Eventually after a very long time I came to realise that changing myself to fit into what others saw as the standard was standing in the way of being who God created me to be. I was hindering the purpose and mandate that I was given here on earth, for people I would very unlikely see and be in contact with after a couple of years. I also just wasn't genuinely happy because I was just not being my authentic self. Besides, if the people I'm trying so hard to surround myself with won't accept me for who I truly am, why am I trying so hard to associate myself with them? Out of the many things I wish I could go back and tell myself, this is probably the one I'm most passionate about.

4. Even though it doesn't look like it, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

This something that's very easy to say after the fact than while going through a difficult time, right? This was definitely the case with me, on multiple occasions. I've had so many moments where I felt so helpless and couldn't see a way out of the now, and now I look back and think, "why was I so worried?😂" There's so many moments that I wish I could go back to and reassure my younger self that the way it is now is definitely not how it will be forever, and things will get better.

5. There's nothing wrong with solitude.

This was something that took me so long to learn. I hated being alone, I always wanted to be in a crowd, I always wanted to be the girl who is in the inner circle, I never wanted to look like a loner. Not being invited to places that I felt I should've been invited to really really bothered me, and I spent that time wallowing in what could've been. If only I knew to channel my energy in the right direction, towards something more positive and productive, I would've been a happier person. Spending time alone can really help you channel your energy in a more positive direction, and teaches you a lot about who you are as a person. You can also take that time to set and re-evaluate your goals, and work towards fulfilling them.

6. You will find your tribe and it will be amazing!

You are going to meet so many amazing people,people that will serve a purpose and give you a sense of belonging and warmth and nice fuzzy cute stuff. It's okay to let go of people and things that don't serve you any longer, because it is just going to open up room for more people to walk into your lives. It doesn't mean any hard feelings (unless of course they have deliberately gone out of their way to make you uncomfortable/ upset), it just simply means that your chapter in each other’s stories have come to the end and you are headed in different directions. Don't be afraid of this prospect but embrace it, and look forward to the great people you are going to meet! Those that must naturally gravitate towards you and your aura and match your energy will definitely do so, so try not to think about that too much, stay hopeful and continue to be your authentic self!

7. Don't beat yourself up so much over things you've done and mistakes you've made, learn from it.

This especially hits home when it comes to my academics, and it's still something I'm trying to remind myself almost every single day. I can't stand the thought that I had the potential to do better and be better, but allowed either internal or external factors to get in the way of my focus. I wish I could constantly go back to so many moments and remind myself that "You are human, and you are flawed, and your mistakes are not the end of the world. Just make sure that you learn from it and pick yourself up, life will go on and you can try again tomorrow."

8. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other person.

You won't always get the apology you feel that you deserve because we as people don't see things the same. People may hurt you but it can happen that it's not intentional. What you may see or feel is targeted towards you, may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other person and what they are faced with at that time. People project, people explode and people take out their frustration and anger on other people, especially when they're at the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm not at all condoning such behaviour, but merely pointing out that humans are flawed and such happens to the best and worst of us. When you take offense to things that other people do to you, it costs you your peace, especially when they see no error in their ways.

9. Don't be so caught up in worry all the time.

Easier said than done, especially in my case. It's hard being carefree when I feel like the world around you is crumbling. It's hard to keep those thoughts at the back of your mind but worrying is not going to help, it's not going to fix the situation, it's not going to do anything but make you miserable and give you sleepless nights. Trust that the people who need to make things happen, will make it happen and that God has a plan that will be to your benefit.

10. Don't hesitate to get out of your comfort zone, as long as it's good for you!!

Getting out of your comfort zone is going to be so beneficial for you, you are going to become a better, more confident and self-loving person, you are going to meet so many amazing people and witness so many beautiful things and make theeeeee most amazing memories. so when put in situations that cause discomfort, embrace it, enjoy it, indulge in it and take whatever lessons you can from it!