Your strong friends need a break too.

 

Being an empathetic person is not cute. It's not fun and games, its exhausting. Its extremely exhausting. As I write this, I'm honestly so so so exhausted. 

And listen, this is not me asking for your sympathy or pity or anything like that, I'm giving myself the space to be open about how I honestly and truly feel for the first time in a very very long time.

Empaths take on a whole lot of weight, a lot more than they should. They don't know how to say no. Uyayazi ipillar of strength? Empaths are rarely given the platform to be vulnerable, to be raw, to pour out their hearts, because everyone expects them to be the strong one. And listen, this is definitely not an attack on people who vent a lot. To be honest I don’t really blame them because when you're used to someone always being strong or someone who is always there to say "talk to me" when you're going through something, its pretty hard to imagine them being anything else but strong. But today I'm here to tell you that your strong friend needs a break too.

They'll never tell you though. They never want to turn away someone they know really needs their help or a shoulder to cry on. But what they don't realise is that the more they take on, the more it burdens them. They don't realise that it weighs heavily on them, until they reach their breaking point. I think its safe to say I've reached my breaking point.

If its not all the terrible and traumatic news that we hear on the daily, school not allowing us to breathe, personal problems and every little thing in between, its been hard to acknowledge and admit just how tired I am. I say it all the time, but I’ve come to realise just how tired I am. To the point of tears. And anyone who knows me closely knows my tear ducts have been running on empty for a very very long time. 

Empaths don't know how to say no, they don't know how to say "I need a break." They don't want to come across as selfish, and they don't want to turn away someone who truly needs their ear. I know not only because I am one, but because this is what I’ve seen it from other empathetic friends. The unfortunate thing is that very few people realise that 'venting machines/human diaries' need to vent too, and sometimes with a little probing too.

What I've noticed is that empaths are rarely open to admitting how they're truly doing, they brush off their emotions. I don’t know if its because they’re not used to being on the other side of the conversation and haven't been given enough chances to offload, or maybe they don't want to burden people with their own problems, but it takes a lot to get an empath to open up about what's bugging them. They’d much rather suffer in silence. A lot of people don't ask them how they are because they genuinely want to know, but to not seem rude when they open up to them about their problems, and sometimes as an empath you feel like people truly don't care about how you feel.

So here I am, admitting that in the deepest way possible, I am tired. Ngikhathele. I'm not okay, truthfully speaking, and I don't know when I will be. I do know that I'll be fine though eventually, I believe God will bring restoration and a fresh energy for me. But right this second, I’m tired of being the strong friend. Maybe its a lesson to me to stop relying on people for comfort but rather to run to God but let me tell you this, its nice to know that you have someone who genuinely cares about how you're doing.

If you're reading this, and feel/realise you haven't been checking on your strong friends, or haven't been giving them a break, I don't want you to feel terrible about yourself. This is not meant to serve as an attack, but rather an eye-opener. What I want though, is for you to be more mindful. I know when you feel like your problems are many and heavy, its easy to forget that everyone has their own problems, and I know because I've done it too. But check on the strong friend, on the one that’s always positive and seems like everything is going great in their life. Even if you try to get them to open up and they're adamant that they don’t want to, I tell you it feels good to have someone check on you for once.

And to my fellow empaths, I see you. I feel you. Don't be afraid to take that long needed break. Don't be afraid to admit when you're tired. Its okay to be vulnerable sometimes, don't be afraid to say when you've taken on more than you can handle. In a world that rarely puts you first, it’s totally okay to prioritise yourself. In a world that expects you to be fine all the time and cool with everything, it’s okay to admit that you’re not okay. And if you feel like you don't have anyone to vent to, know that God is always willing to lend an ear, always.

Love and Light🌈🌻